it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
