is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
