It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
