arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Randomize
