Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Randomize