just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Randomize
