You're so nebulous sometimes
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize