I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
