i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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