This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
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