I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
