well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
