the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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