she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
Randomize
