But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Randomize
