yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
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