HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
splinters make it hard to masturbate
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
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