hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
