she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
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