My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
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