I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
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