So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
Randomize
