New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
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