Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
