my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
50% drunk capacity currently
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
This couple is walking their pig around campus
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
