if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
