Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
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