Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
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