Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Randomize
