Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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