i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
