i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
I pour the whiskey from now on
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize