No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
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