Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Two words: nipple clamps
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