shes about as inviting as chlamydia
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Randomize
