Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
