i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
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