dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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