dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize