he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
