I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
