How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
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