Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
