Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
