he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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