You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
Randomize
