My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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