i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
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