i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
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