If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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