now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
