you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Randomize
