Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Randomize
