It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
Randomize
