youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
