We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
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