I CAN MOONWALK!
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
