We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
