here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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