I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
I think people are normalizing furries
Randomize
