I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
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