Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Randomize
