Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
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