You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
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