I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Randomize
