tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize