I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
I think I have vodka in my lungs
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
