dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
