How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
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