he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Randomize
